as giddy as a schoolgirl

Ah yes, so Christmas has been lovely.  I always get all giddy and excited about Christmas like I'm a little kid or something.  It's great.  It just makes me so happy.  It's a special time of year.  And I love giving people presents and seeing the look on their faces when they open them and get all excited because they like them so much.  And hey, getting presents is great too. :)
My sister got a new cellphone recently.  The kinda that slides open and has a full keyboard.  She's is totally obsessed with texting with it.  Especially since we now have unlimited texting.  She's currently watching an episode of Law&Order SVU and telling me all about it.  I've seen the episode before so she's trying to guess whodunnit.
I just downloaded Skype.  People have been telling me for a while that I should get it.  So I finally did.  I don't have a microphone or webcam.  I'm gonna give just regular chat a shot and maybe if I like it enough and use it enough I'll get a headset and webcam to go with it.  We'll see what happens!
So, y'all remember me talking about Fred, right?  I talked about him in this post.  We started e-mailing each other the day I made that post.  I'm really looking forward to meeting him next week when I go to Fort Wayne.  We have similar taste in music and movies.  We both like to work with youth and kids.  He seems like a really great person with a good sense of humor.  I'm really looking forward to have dinner with him, my sister, and my sister's husband. :)


fun stuff

I was being very grumpy and selfish when I wrote that last post.  Yay for grumpiness!!  Haha, just kidding.  I certainly can get terribly crabby and grumpy sometimes though.  Usually it happens either in the morning, or when I'm really tired, or when I'm really hungry.  And when all three of those things are combined, you're probably safest just staying away from me.  Ah, the unpredictability that is life.  Don't you love it??
Any who, that's not exactly what I got on here to write about tonight (actually, this morning).  And I just realized what time it actually is so I'm gonna try to make this quick and head to bed or else I'll be a zombie in the morning.
When I stop and really think about it, I realize just how eclectic my tastes are.  For example, consider the books I'm currently reading.  I started Sherlock Holmes over the summer and got halfway through volume two when I went on OAFC Travel Team in July.  School started a month after I got back so I've yet to finish the volume.  Thanks to my children's lit class and my Mom who volunteers at the thrift store in town, I now own Where The Sidewalk Ends and am reading that also.  I recently began watching the Gossip Girl series on T.V. and so decided to peruse the book series it's based on.  So yeah, I'm reading classic mysteries, children's poetry, and young adult fiction.
The eclecticness continues with music.  For my Christmas list I picked the two C.D.'s that I want the most.  I would absolutely love to own a C.D. of some of The Rat Pack's music.  That would be so amazing.  I love that classy, smooth, yet sexy music.  The other C.D. I asked for is Flyleaf's new album Memento Mori.  Flyleaf is a heavy metal, sort of screamo, Christian rock band.  I have their first album and can't wait to hear their new stuff.
Yep, being eclectic is what makes life fun.  Being so set on certain things or certain types of things is so boring.  I purposefully try out new music, books, movies, etc. because I don't want to get sucked into just one particular kind of something and not even bother to try something new.


i want a magical wardrobe

So, I got to spend the weekend with one of my dearest friends.  We wanted to get together and hang out before she goes off to college next month.  It was great.  We had so much fun.
But then I came home.
I was tired and had a headache after driving two hours in not so great weather.  All I wanted to do was unpack, drink some tea, take a shower, and perhaps have a snack and do some small things before hitting the sack.
I hadn't even stepped out of the vehicle and Dad was already asking for my help with hiding and wrapping a Christmas gift.  Everything else just seemed to follow after that.  My Mom's got so many crazy things going on that she wants my help with and I don't think she realizes that I have things of my own that I need to get done.  She wants me to fix this, do that with pictures, blah, blah, blah.
Hello!  I have my own things that I need to get done!!  I mean, I don't mind helping out, but she needs to realize that I have a life separate from what she has going on.
I still need to finish these ornaments that should've been done last week.  I have to list old school books on Ebay and buy ones for the coming semester.  I need to make lunch to take to work because I'm going in earlier tomorrow which throws a wrench into the things I need to get done.  I couldn't even take a shower tonight because Mom started the washer which drained the hot water.  I washed my hair and face and figured I'd just get up earlier and do the rest in the morning because I didn't want to go to sleep with wet hair.
I am so overwhelmed and choked up and stressed out.  Being at my friend's house was so relaxing.  They had a bunch of things going on too, but everyone was so relaxed and mellow and just go-with-the-flow.  I need to cry but just can't seem to bring myself to do it.
Gah, this is so frustrating.  I don't like being stressed out, especially during this time of year.  I love Christmas and I want to be happy and cheerful.  This sucks.
I wish I had a magical wardrobe so I could escape to Narnia.


you can't separate sisters

I'm not really sure what to write, but I know I need to because my brain is full right now.  I need to make some room up there.
My family and I went to a concert at Condordia Seminary in St. Louis today.  It's part of the "Bach at the Sem" series.  I have to say, it was quite amazing.  I love watching people sing and play instruments.  You can see on their faces the dedication and love they have for their art.  It's inspiring.  How the choir members unswervingly follow the conductor's lead, yet their eyes flit back and forth from the music sheet to their leader.  The musicians wait in expectation for their cue.  It's all so beautiful.  So many talented people working together to create such blissful sounds.  I love music.
Hopefully this month I'll be able to get together with one of my friends for a weekend and hang out.  She's going off to college in the spring to a place even farther away from me than she already is, and we both would like to spend time together once more before she goes off to school.  I think she'll do splendidly.  She's both nervous and excited.  I'm so happy for her.
This time of the month annoys me so much.  My energy levels are up and down, all over the place.  I already do like to stay up late and my sporadic energy bursts don't help any at all.  My mood fluctuates too.  And I'm hungry all the time.  I eat like a pregnant lady.  (That part makes me laugh though.)  The other night I ate four or five pieces of pizza when I usually eat just two.  *sigh*  But I suppose that's something you've just got to deal with when you're a female.  At least I haven't passed out (so far) this month.  That's nice.  It doesn't happen often and when it does I'm only out for a maximum of maybe three minutes, but still, it's not very fun.
At the end of this month I'm going to an OAFC New Years Gathering at the Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  My sister and her husband live up there so I'm going to have dinner with them one night while I'm there.  One of my brother-in-law's friends will be joining us.  My brother-in-law thinks that I'll get along well with this friend of his.  This friend (we'll call him "Fred") Fred is into music, plays guitar if I remember right, is going to the seminary in Fort Wayne, and is very involved with the youth group at his fieldwork church.  My brother-in-law described him as being "a very happy and open person".  I'm really looking forward to meeting Fred.
I don't really like this feeling.  The feeling that your friend's interests that are different from your own start to take precedence in their lives which makes it hard for you to sympathize with them about things.  You're a sympathetic and attentive listener and you want to help and offer advice,  but you can't.  You can't because you haven't been in situations like that.  Then again, sometimes people just need someone to vent to and they don't really expect any advice in return.  They just need to talk to someone, have someone to bounce ideas off of.  I do that all the time.  So I just need to sit back and relax and not worry about it.
I wish I talked more.  I wish I vented my feelings more.  I'm very good at listening and comforting, but when I try to vent my feelings to someone, it doesn't always work.  Either they don't realize what I'm trying to do and so they don't really pay attention, or I chicken out and decide to keep my feelings inside of me.  I wish there was someone there 24/7 that I could always talk to and that would always listen and pay attention.  I do write to God in my prayer journal every night, but it's not quite the same as talking to someone I can physically see and touch.  I'm not very good at talking on the phone either, so venting to my dear sister just isn't quite the same when we're in different states.  It's not like when we were younger and our rooms were connected or just down the hall from each other.  We used to stay up late without our parents knowing and play with the dollhouse in my room.  We thought we were so sneaky.  I miss my sister.  I can't wait to see her later this month.



You know what?

I'm unique.

I think that's fantastic.


the weather outside is frightful...

Ah, yes, I know.  That's such a cheesy title.  But it's all I could come up with at the moment.  My brain is starting to shut down and I'm ready to curl up in bed with my kitty and catch some Z's.
It was so ridiculously windy today.  Oh my gosh.  I don't think the temperature went above 30 degrees Fahrenheit.  The wind made it feel about a thousand times colder than it was.  And it looks like tomorrow will be more of the same.  You know that feeling of being so cold that you don't want to change into pajamas because that will make you colder than you already are so you just sleep in the clothes you've worn all day?  Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what I'll be doing tonight... except I'm wearing skinny jeans, so that might not be very comfortable.  My room seemed particularly colder than the rest of the house, so my Mom told me I could get one of the small space heaters from the basement and stick it in my room to warm it up.  It works wonderfully!  I might even get warm enough to take my robe off and not sleep in it unlike last night.



I'm sitting here, studying for my health final, and those thoughts start creeping into my head again.  Thoughts of doubt.  Not doubts about the final, but doubts about my career choice.
Am I really cut out to be a photographer?
I've always loved taking pictures and have preferred to be behind the camera rather than in front of it.  I had my own little film camera when I was younger and loved to take pictures of everything.  Friends, animals, people, flowers, whatever I wanted to take pictures of.
All the stuff I know about photography is what I've learned on my own, mostly by trial and error.  When I got my first digital camera (Christmas 2005) I played around with it and read the manual to see how it worked.  I figured out the best way hold it, how to stay really still, when to use the flash and when not to use it, how to get the autofocus just the way I wanted it, etc.  I figured out stuff about backgrounds, colors, close-up shots, group shots, and so on.  I went through the same process when I bought a new camera January of this year.  This one takes better pictures with the flash off as opposed to my old camera and has more snazzy features.  These are just point-and-shoot cameras though.  They're not the really fancy kind that professionals use.  I've never used a fancy camera before.
What am I going to think about these photography classes?  Will I think they're really hard?  Will I understand what's going on?  How experienced will my classmates be?  Will they know more about photography than me?  What will my teacher be like?  If I'm not understanding something, will he take the time to explain it to me?  What kind of assignments will I have?
I took a drawing class one time, but other than that, I've never really taken an art class where you actually make art.  That was more of my sister's thing when we were growing up.  My art class the first semester of college was more about the history of art (it was online) and we didn't make anything.  How will I do on the assignments?  Will I be able to channel my creativity into the assignments and do a good job on them?  Or will I fail terribly and have to move on to a different career choice?
I suppose only time will tell what's going to happen.
God, please help me.


a song in my head

My current obsession is Vitamin String Quartet.  They are phenomenal!!!
Here is their website.
You can listen to a lot of their albums on MySpace.
I am completely blown away by the skill of these musicians.
They've done hundreds of tribute albums.  Some of their tributes include Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Queen, Coldplay, Maroon5, Flyleaf, Casting Crowns, Billy Joel, Gwen Stefani, and so on and so forth.
Right now I'm listening to the Relient K tribute album.
I first heard about them on So You Think You Can Dance this week.  Not only do I watch the show for the dances, but also to find new and interesting music.  The dance company Legion of Extraordinary Dancers did a breathtaking routine to Vitamin's cover of the song Yellow by Coldplay.  The whole performance was so beautiful.  You can probably find it on YouTube somewhere.
Even if you're not a big fan of violin music, I guarantee you will find something by them that you'll like.