3.30.2010

on?off?

You know those days when you just feel kind of "off"?  Like you're not yourself?  Yeah, that's been me for the past week/few days.
I've been feeling tired and exhausted.  The being tired part isn't really anything new since I have a bad habit of staying up later than I should.  I can usually shake the tiredness off, but that hasn't been working lately.  I was so wiped out yesterday.  I was OK through classes, but by the time my second one ended and I was on my way to work, I was becoming so exhausted.  I battled a headache and extreme tiredness during work.  Got home around 6:00, feeling like a zombie.  With it staying lighter later into the day now, my parents have been working outside more, which results in us having dinner later.  At 8:00 I laid down to rest a bit before dinner.  I ended up falling asleep.  I fell asleep around 8:00 last night and didn't wake up until between 8:00 and 9:00 this morning.  I've slept a long time before, but that's usually after staying up super late, and in the past it's happened on a weekend, not during the week.  When I woke up it actually took me a bit to remember if I had eaten dinner last night or not.  I'm so thankful I don't have class on Tuesdays.
Been a little more scatterbrained than usual.  Remembering to do things is already not one of my strong points.  But that's become even more difficult lately.  It bugs me when I forget to do things or forget to write them down so I'll hopefully remember to do them.  I try to be efficient and create a system to get things done, but either that doesn't happen or the system I create doesn't work very well. 
I haven't really been happy lately either.  I'm not sure what the deal is.  I've kind of been listening to a lot of slow, depressing songs...  I tried listening to happy songs the other day, but they didn't strike me the way they usually do.  This is really bugging me too.  I want to be happy!  I love being happy!!  I'm usually quite a happy person.
I really hope this whole "feeling off" thing goes away.  I don't like it one bit.  I want to be myself.

3.27.2010

3.24.2010

now i'm afraid of silence

I have been so enraptured by music lately.  More so than usual, I mean.  I don't know what the deal is.  I've been revisiting old favorites, finding new ones, and paying more attention to lyrics.  It's awesome.  :)
The song I originally wanted to feature in this post was Curl Up and Die by Relient K.  I know the title might sound kind of morbid, but it's not.  It's really quite a sweet song.  A good friend of mine introduced me to it when I was dealing with a major disappointment last year.  My friend is so awesome and the song helped me get over what I was dealing with.  I couldn't find a decent video of the song to post, which makes me sad because I really love that song.  They don't even have it on their MySpace page.  But I do believe it's on their The Birds And The Bee Sides album.  It is on iTunes though!  I know that because I bought it from there.  :)  So yeah, hunt down that song (or the album) and listen to it.  I guarantee you will love it!
So instead of Relient K, here's an old favorite of mine by Jon McLaughlin.  It's called Beautiful Disaster.  I instantly loved this song the first time I heard it.  It has such a wonderful message and the video kind of helps put it into context.  I really like this song. :)


Music is amazing.  My world would be so quite and boring without music or people to share it with.

3.21.2010

the seventh day

Mmm, I think it's time for my Sunday afternoon snuggle with my blankets and pillow.  There's something about taking a short nap on Sunday afternoons that's so pleasant.  Something about being cozy and comfortable.  I usually drink coffee before going to church but I like drinking it after too.  It increases the coziness (and for some reason caffeine doesn't really affect me).  I dress up for church, but then dress down into pajamas or jeans and a t-shirt when I get home.  After going to church and getting to learn more about Christ and worship Him, it's nice to take a rest.  Even if I have a list of things I need to do, it's good to slow down and take a breath before diving in.  Take a rest and get ready for the week ahead.  Resting is good.  God even rested after He created the world. :)

3.19.2010

sleep?

It's a bit annoying when I would actually like to go to sleep kind of early but my body won't allow me to.  Between my brain being used to staying up past midnight and my stomach hurting, it looks to be another late night tonight.
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Wednesday was Saint Patrick's Day.  :)  It is certainly one of my favorite days ever.  It gives me an excuse to wear green and plaid and parade around and show off my Irishness.  'Course my Dad says it's the only day all year my family doesn't have to wear green, what with most of us being redheads and our Irish last name.  But I do anyways.  I don't have nearly as much green clothing as I used to when I was younger, but I try to keep at least one green shirt or a pair of green socks in my possession.  I would absolutely LOVE to have a dark green dress or one with some sort of floral-ish green pattern.  I haven't come across one yet that I like and I don't have time to sew one like I used to.  Someday though I'll find that lovely green dress and I'll wear it every chance I get.  :)
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Yeah, I like this song.  :)  I heard it on a Gossip Girl episode (which by the way, I got tired of all the drama and the really slow plot, so I stopped watching that show).  It's one of my favorites now.
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No post would be complete without an awesome picture.  I'm really loving this new site I've found for pictures.


awesome

3.16.2010

i will find a way to you

More Jason Mraz... :)
I'm kind of obsessed with this song right now.  It's one of my all-time favorites.  I "re-discovered" it recently.


And here it is in a breathtaking routine on SYTYCD.



I try not to be, but I think I really am one of those hopeless romantic types.  Couldn't you tell? :)


3.10.2010

stop the noise!

OK, seriously?  Is there no decency left in this world?  I just saw on my newsfeed on Facebook that one of my friends became a fan of a page called "I love the feeling of taking my bra off after a looong day".  Really?  Someone made a fan page for that?  I'm sorry, but that disgusts me.  Even if you are female and enjoy being able to take your bra off at the end of the day, do you really need to proclaim it to the world?  I mean, seriously.  There are GUYS on Facebook too, and they don't need to know this stuff.  It's just gross.
This reminds me of that circulating Facebook status that was supposed to "raise awareness for breast cancer".  It was a "girls only" thing and you weren't allowed to "tell the boys".  Basically, you were supposed to put the color of your bra as your status, just the color, with no explanation.  I don't understand how plastering the color of your bra all over Facebook raises awareness for breast cancer... And honestly, it wasn't that hard for the guys to figure out.  It looked suspicious how only gals were doing it and jokingly commenting on each others statuses.  I didn't participate in that nonsense.  I don't need my guy friends or the guys in my family imagining what I look like in the color bra I'm wearing.  The state of my underwear is something I'm going to keep to myself.  I don't want the whole world to know the color of my undies.
Do people even think through these things any more?  Is there no such thing as privacy?  Because honestly, I don't want to know the color of your underwear, that you like taking your bra off, or any other personal things like that.  Keep those things to yourself, please!

3.09.2010

raisins

I have a hard time sometimes explaining or knowing the reasons why I do things or think things.  Why I prefer one thing over another, why I want to do something, why I don't want to do something.  I'll know the "if" but I won't know the "why".  Sometimes I don't know the "why" or how to clarify it.
One example happened right after I got my new vehicle.  I had totaled my old vehicle on a icy road on my way to church.  Since then I had been afraid of driving in the wintry weather.  We went and got my new vehicle one night after I got off work.  After driving an hour in wintry weather to bring it home I was exhausted, tense, and didn't want to drive any more that night.  But of course as soon as my Dad and I got home, everyone wanted me to take them for a ride in the new vehicle.  I knew I didn't want to, and I told them I didn't want to, but I didn't know why I didn't want to.  My family thought I was just being stuck up or difficult.  I knew I didn't want to drive anymore that night, but it hadn't clicked in my brain yet why I didn't want to.  Then after ten or fifteen minutes of being overwhelmed by the requests to go driving and my refusing them, it finally clicked: I didn't want to drive any more that night because I had just driven an hour in the wind and snow, I was still scared of driving in that weather, my muscles were all tensed up and I needed to relax.  I was finally able to tell my parents this and bust into tears in the process.
A more recent predicament is spring break.  It was planned for me to go spend spring break with my sister and her husband and I would be able to hang out with Fred while I was there.  I've canceled those plans.  There are two different reasons why I canceled:
1) I would have to drive six hours by myself there and six hours by myself back.  I do enjoy driving, but I'm not up to spending that much time in the car alone yet.  I think I would get bored and/or go insane.  Since the beginning of making these plans I haven't been totally sold on the idea of driving the distance by myself.  There were thoughts of flying instead, but it would take just as long to fly and be more expensive.
2) I'm not sure if I want to get into another long distant relationship.  Now, I don't know if Fred is even thinking along these lines yet, I might be jumping ahead.  But having been in a long distant relationship before, I know it's an important factor to think about.  I was in high school during that previous relationship and the guy I was with was certainly not the greatest person in the world.  So the circumstances would be different this time around if Fred and I were to pursue a relationship.  I'm in college now,  I'm older, Fred is older, and I think Fred and I are more compatible than the previous guy and I were.  However, I'm still not totally sold on the idea.  Living six hours away is still living six hours away no matter how old you are.
So which is the biggest reason why I canceled the spring break trip?  Which has more weight in my decision?  After thinking and praying about it, I think it's the prospect of driving that long by myself.  There's still a chance for Fred and I to hang out some other time and we've got time to get to know each other.  Plus, there are a lot of things I'll be able to do by staying home.  I can work on the OAFC photo project for Summer Training, go to an OAFC event this Saturday, meet my foreign exchange student brother's sister when she comes to visit, and just enjoy being at home and not rushing to get to school on time.  I'll save a lot of money in gas this way too.  :)  As Fred and I's friendship develops, we'll get to talk about things like relationships and distance.  We'll be able to decide together if we want to try having a long distance relationship or not.  So yes, the driving has the most weight in my decision about spring break.  I'm sad I won't get to hang out with Fred and I wish I wasn't so chicken to drive by myself for so long.  He was so gracious and understanding though when I told him I wasn't coming because of the driving.  Fred is awesome.  I'm definitely not going to cut my ties with him.  I'm going to wait and see what God's got in store for us.

new picture site!