8.28.2011

graduating

I look around at the people in my age group and I see a lot of different things.  This one's engaged.  That one's married.  They just had a baby.  This one's in college.  That one just graduated.  She's going to be a missionary.  He's in the military.  She's not in school.  He isn't either.  We're all so different.
I remember kind of feeling like a failure for not planning on going through four years of college like a lot of people do.  I felt out of place.  But no, I was just being myself and I still am.  While most other people my age are going into their fourth year of college, I'm trying to start a business.  I'm not saying one of these options is better than the other.  Just pointing out that we all have a path unique to each of our lives.
There's no one-size-fits-all plan.  Going to college immediately after high school (or going to college at all) isn't for everyone.  We're not all ready for marriage at the same age.  Some people want to have lots of kids, others want only one or none at all.
What's most important to remember about all this is that we make sure to follow God's plans for our lives.  He's used my many mishaps to tell me, "Slow down, you're not ready for that yet.  It'll happen later."  We need to remember to be quiet and listen.


8.26.2011

late at night

Even the simplest of things seem to affect me differently than they affect other people. These things mean more to me or I'm more sensitive to them or something.

I don't like the prospect of someone disappearing and never hearing from them again. I like hearing from people, keeping in touch. Saying "good bye" is not acceptable. I want to make the most of the opportunities I have to spend time with people.

In certain situations I feel like I need to be an example, a role model, especially for those younger than me. Sometimes though I get tired of that. I get tired of enforcing the rules and trying to be "perfect". Opportunities to relax and be myself are greatly appreciated.

Being upset feels unnatural to me. Oftentimes I have to sit down and really think to figure out what's upsetting me and why. There are times though when being angry and upset is completely justified. Sometimes it actually does a lot of good to allow yourself to be mad. Just don't get carried away.

8.24.2011

again

Why do I feel this way?
Because, once again, I care too much.  <<click there for more....
Still trying to find the best way to manage this.


8.13.2011

convey

How much of our lives are run by routine and regularity?  What are the things we do every single day?
Some things we do every day by default for our own health or well being.  Brush your teeth when you wake up.  Brush your teeth before you go to bed.  Put on your seatbelt when you get in the car.  Take a shower.  Eat your meals.  
What about the things we choose to every single day?  Go to work.  Go to school.  Take vitamins.  Exercise.  Pray.  Watch a certain t.v. show.  Go to a certain restaurant.  Do certain things.  See certain people.
Is there someone you talk to every single day?  Someone you make sure to keep in touch with?  Are you constantly texting with someone?  The day isn't complete for either of you without hearing from each other.  Is it your significant other?  A close friend?  A family member?
Out of all the things we do every single day, do we take the time to really keep in touch with each other?  When we ask, "How are you?" are we looking for more of a response than, "I'm good"?  Do we consistently keep in touch with the people who matter the most to us?  Do we take time out of our routines and schedules to really care about each other?  Do we communicate beyond Facebook chat, comments, and  "likes"?


8.12.2011

recollection

How our minds cling to memories.  The past springs on us without warning.  In the blink of an eye we're reminded of our triumphs and our failures.
I don't know if anyone else's mind works like this, but my brain attaches memories to many different things.  Music, movies, food, colors, places, smells, sounds, etc.  It works like this:  *this is my brain talking*  "Oh!  I know this song!  It was playing in so-and-so's car when we were traveling to so-and-so place during such-and-such month of last year.  And we did..."
Sometimes the memories are more potent.  I can't listen to a certain genre of music without thinking of a past relationship.  Every time I hear a song by one of my favorite bands, I hear a certain person's voice singing along.  Several movies (and the quotes and songs in those movies) bring to mind one certain person, either because we watched them together or they're both of our favorites.  A card game reminds me of an awkward-ish day I spent with a friend.
My mind doesn't stop there though.  It doesn't bring back just the one memory of the person or instance and leave it at that.  Next it begins replaying every interaction, conversation, and moment inside of or concerning that memory.  My past is laid out right in front of me with the mistakes blaring "I told you so!" and the achievements whispering "Congratulations!"  The "I-wish-I-hads" and "I-shouldn't-haves" crowd my vision. Regrets and rewards bounce around in my head.  My common sense is momentarily confused and I begin to question what I'm presently doing, worried if my past is going to repeat itself.
Push forward but don't bury the past.  It's good to keep the past close at hand so we don't make the same mistakes twice, but don't dwell on it.  Wallowing in remorse over things you or someone else has done is no way to live.  Memories are precious, but strive to live in the present.


8.11.2011

turning the page

Feeling a little sad tonight.  Why?  I'm leaving my job.  After four years of working at the daycare, I'm leaving.  Why am I leaving?  It's time for me to move on to something different.
Even though I'm excited about my new journey, I will still miss the kids terribly.  "My kids".  :)  I know they're not biologically mine, and I'm certainly not trying to take them away from their parents.  But that's what I've come to affectionately call them.  "My kids"  "My Bible Time kids"  "My girls"  "My boys"  "The crazy children"  :)  I'm going to miss them.
Just to think that I've seen most of these kids nearly every weekday for the past four years, it blows my mind.  I've watched them grow up.  I remember their first days at daycare, their first days at preschool, their first days coming after school.  Singing with them, playing games, bandaging boo-boos, holding and cuddling them when they're upset.
I've done very well about not crying about leaving the daycare.  Not anymore though.  The screen is blurry right now.
I'm going to miss them.  Today one of the little boys was fighting to stay awake during rest time.  I sat by his cot to try to quiet him down and get him to lay down and at least close his eyes.  (I knew he was going to be super crabby the rest of the day if he didn't sleep for at least a little bit.)  At one point he was lying half on the cot and half on my lap while I rubbed his back.  And even though he had been so naughty trying to not fall asleep and was then draped over my lap, his eyes half-closed and his little mouth drooling on my leg, I couldn't help thinking, "I'm going to miss this."
I'm going to miss my co-workers too.  We've kind of become a pseudo family of sorts.  Even though we get stressed sometimes and occasionally get on each other's nerves, we still work splendidly together and support each other.  We're not just co-workers, we're more than that.  We help each other get our jobs done and we take care of each other.
God certainly blessed me with being able to work while going to school.  I'm very thankful for Him giving me the job at the daycare.  This is a difficult change to deal with and I know it's only going to become harder the closer it gets to being my last day at work.  I will miss my co-workers and my kids a lot.
But what's the new adventure I'm diving into?  I'm going to do what I went to school for.  Photography.  :)


8.07.2011

fix me

Have you ever wanted to fix someone?  Help them?  Heal them?
Have you ever wished someone would fix you?  Are we to be forever broken and imperfect?  A work in progress that never reaches completion?
Something to think about.

8.03.2011

knack

You are not inferior.  You are yourself.
Don't wish you were like someone else.  You can't ever be someone else.
Because you are you.  That's how God made you.
Don't wish you had the talents and abilities of someone else.  And don't try to have them.
Embrace your own God-given gifts and abilities.
Don't be scared.  You'll be surprised at what you can do when you stop trying to measure up to other people and start cultivating your own talents.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
Dr. Seuss