the right to write

It's been a little over a month since I last wrote here.  I could blame it on busyness and not having the time to write, which would be the truth.  I've been keeping up my photography blog though, trying to maintain appearances in the world of online social networking.  So, photography blog, photography work, family stuff, other activities, that's what has been keeping me from my personal blog, right?  No, not quite.

A pastor I know touched on something in his own blog that I had been pondering before he brought it up.  He states that blogging seems to have become "an act of arrogance and vanity more than anything else".  We think that what we have to say is so important that the whole world needs to know about it.  This line of thought could also veer in the direction of tweets and Facebook statuses.  But that would take me on a tangent about my love/hate relationship with online social networking and I want to stay on topic right now.  Is blogging an act of arrogance?  Possibly.  Is it one of the reasons I haven't written on here in a while?  Yes.

Over the past month I have thought of several things to write about but nearly always talked myself out of it.
"You've written about that a million times already.  Nobody really wants to hear you rehash that all over again."
"No, that's too personal.  Don't put that out there."
"You're going to make everyone think you're self-conscious or that you have a problem.  You don't want them to think that, do you?"
"You've already talked to someone about that.  Do you really need to bring it up again?"
"If you write that then (insert name here) will read and know what you're talking about and they'll want to talk to you about it.  It's probably best if that doesn't happen right now."

When I started this blog I didn't really tell anyone about it.  I wrote here just because I wanted to, just to have an outlet for the many thoughts spinning around in my head.  I don't really remember exactly when I started sharing my blog posts on my Facebook, but judging by the page views I think that started happening about a year after I started this blog.  I started sharing my posts and realized that people were actually reading them and they liked them!  I wasn't really aware of just how common blogging was or that people used blogs for more than introspective ramblings.  All I knew was that I had an outlet for my thoughts and writing and that some people actually enjoyed reading it.  Comments and page views are neat, but what's really cool is when people tell you in person that they like your blog.

This kind of brings us back to the arrogance and vanity thing.  Do I write for the attention or do I write simply because I like to write?  As I said before, no one really knew about this blog when I first started it, so I was writing just because I liked to write.  The page views and feedback I received once I started sharing my posts were wonderful, but then my motivation behind writing started to become based on all the attention from others rather than my own desire to write and express my thoughts.

I'm going back to the beginning now and writing because I want to.  If I write something that someones finds relevant or stirring, then kudos!  That's great!  But that won't be my motivation.  I won't always share my posts on Facebook, or not right away at least, because that's not what this blog is about.  It's not about begging for attention.  You're probably wondering, "If you're not writing this blog specifically so other people can read it, and you don't care about getting any attention or recognition from it, then why don't you just write in a diary and not let anyone read it?"  Well, because I know I experience things that others can identify with.  I know I'm not the only slender woman who has had to suffer through comments about her body and weight.  I'm not the only person who has cared about someone and gotten hurt.  I'm not the only one who questions where they're going and what the heck they're really doing with their life.  Yes, I have a prayer journal that I write in every night.  But if my thoughts, wonderings, and revelations can benefit anyone besides myself, then I want that to be able to happen.

So here's to writing because we want to and because we can without caring if we receive any attention for it.  :)