2.23.2013

writing stories

(Written a few weeks ago as I struggled to fall asleep.)

Those nights you can't sleep.
Those nights you can't sleep because your brain won't shut up.
Those nights you can't sleep because your brain insists on creating imaginary unrealistic conversations with people in your life.  Conversations they would never be part of and things they would never say.
Those nights you can't sleep because for some reason you're afraid to fall asleep.  And it probably has something to do with watching too many crime t.v. shows before going to bed.
Sometimes I think I should write books about everything that goes on in my brain.  Then maybe these dreams, these theoretical scenarios might actually be useful instead of only functioning as a way to deprive me of sleep.
This blog kind of is a book though, isn't it?  One big, long book that never reaches an ending.  A book that jumps from chapter to chapter, never sticking with one story line long enough to make sense of it.  The pages are out of order and the characters don't even have names, not that they say much anyways.  It's more like their consciousness is spilled onto the pages, like I'm reading their minds.  But of course, if these characters are in my head then it makes perfect sense that I can read their thoughts.  Silly characters thought they could hide from me.
I could write some fantastic stories.  People might start to question my sanity if I started pouring everything in my brain onto pages for the entire world to see, but they would be some awesome stories.  Not that I can tell right now how they would end or how the plots would even begin.  But writers don't always know how their stories will end when they begin them, do they?
My stories will have to wait though.  Right now I don't need to write.  Right now I need to sleep.
And hopefully my dreams will get the hint and shut up too.

(You should have heard the argument I had with myself at 2:30 in the morning one time about whether or not it was a good idea to make muffins at that exact moment.  I can argue both the logical and the impulsive sides very well.)


2.18.2013

a weekend escape

You know what?  I almost didn't go to OAFC this past weekend.  A couple of weeks ago, when the deadline to RSVP was just a few days away, I was still pondering whether or not to attend.  I love going to OAFC, don't get me wrong, but it exhausts me so much.  Being an introvert means I get my energy from being alone and at OAFC you're pretty much never alone, not even at your host home because more often than not you're sharing a bed or at least a room with a fellow OAFCer.
A friend of mine talked me into going to the weekend.  She assured me it would be great to see everyone and said she wished she herself could go but it was too far of a drive.  I listened to her and told the group leader I would be coming.  A couple days before the weekend I got that hesitant feeling again but pushed it aside.
Yesterday as I was driving home from the event I thought to myself, "I'm so glad I decided to go to OAFC this weekend."  It was a wonderful escape to a weekend full of encouragement.
OAFC has always felt like an escape to me.  When life is overwhelming, frustrating, and stressful, I can go to OAFC and spend time focusing on other things.  I get to enjoy Bible study with fellow Lutheran Christians.  We sing, joke around, and laugh.  We work together to spread God's Word and in the process our own faith is strengthened.  We get to see old friends, make new friends, and form real, lasting relationships with each other.
Going to OAFC this past weekend was just what I needed.  Yes, I was physically exhausted by the end of it all, but I was also refreshed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.


2.14.2013

for all the lonely hearts

Oh yes.  I'm going to get all mushy, sappy, and sentimental while I eat the chocolate my parents gave me for Valentine's Day.  (Chocolate that was a lot harder to open than it should have been.  Why the heck do they glue those things shut?)
Every year I say I don't care about this holiday.  I take the logical route and say, "Why should you designate just one day to do special things for your beloved?  What's stopping you from doing those things any other day of the year?"  Plus it's so commercialized.  So much money is spent in the name of love or whatever other reasons motivate people buy that stuff.
Every year I say I don't care.  And it's true.  I don't care.  Until right about now.  Until nearly 9:00pm when I'm tired and eating chocolate after a day of having Valentiney things shoved in my face.
Yes, I'm young and single.  Sure, I'm content with this stage of my life.  But it's also true I wouldn't mind being in a relationship.  And it's this quiet desire that is brought to the surface by this lovey-dovey holiday.
Someday I would like to be with someone.  Someday I would like to be married.  Someday I would like to have a family.  And I know when that someday is.  That someday is the day God has it in His mind for it to happen.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21

So don't despair, lonely hearts.  Your family and friends love you.  I don't know what I would do without my closest family and friends.  They have been with me through so much.
Most importantly, God loves you too, lonely hearts.  Not only have my family and friends been with me through difficult times.  God has been with me too.  And I know He has great things in store for me.  I just need to work on my patience and let Him do His thing.